Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Shoe Snob? Not Me!

Absolutely not!
Some of the best wearing shoes
and
most comfortable
shoes
that I have owned
have
been purchased
at
thrift stores
or
handed down from my kids.
 
That being said,
there are two types of shoes
that I am picky about.
Athletic shoes
(JWS informed me that I was no longer allowed to refer to them as "tennis" shoes)
(he also informed me that I really didn't qualify to call them "running" shoes)
(I know that I am stretching it calling them "athletic" shoes)
("Old lady, trying to work off winter fat" shoes, just is too bulky to say)
and
Winter Boots
(we will leave those for another post...like maybe October)
The pair pictured above are way past their prime.
The are actually smooth on the bottom.
Believe it or not,
they have over the recommended
500 miles on them. 
I have been procrastinating the purchase of a new pair.
The chore of shopping for them
causes nothing short of
a series of incidents
that could possibly require
mood-altering pharmaceuticals...
or a trip to the liquor store.
Really folks, it is that bad!
 
First of all, 
if I never had to go in another mall for the rest of my life,
life would be complete.
I almost managed to Christmas shop last year
without stepping in a mall.
 
Finish Line...Mall.
Foot Locker....Mall. 
 
So, as luck would have it,
I found myself on a city street,
after a doctor's appointment
and
a very nice dinner with a friend that I have not seen in
a very long time,
looking at a specialty shoe shop that was open.
 
Why not?
The day had gone well, surely it could continue.
 
So, in I walk.
Immediately, I knew that I was not drugged
prepared for this.
 
I was met by an onslaught of colors.
Athletic shoes in every color imaginable,
some that required sunglasses to even look at them,
and
clothing.
Skimpy little running gear in every bright color.
 
Two clerks
with BMI's that are on the opposite ends of the chart
from mine,
one helping a man find socks to help
him after he bikes for 20 miles
because his calves start to hurt at that point.
Really?
First of all, "athletic" socks should be purchased
cellophane wrapped
in 6 packs at the flea market.
I really did not know that there were ones that made your
calves feel better after 20 miles on a bike.
Maybe there are ones that would
 "make my feet feel better
mid afternoon when I hobble getting up from
my desk for my afternoon cup of coffee
so that I can remain awake for the rest of the day"
socks?
 
I could not ask the nice young man that.
 
I say,
"I need a pair of shoes."
(not running, not tennis, not "I have to get this 20 pounds off")
just shoes.
 
He kindly asks what I have now.
I think he fully expects me to say "Keds"
Oh, wait, he is not old enough to know what those are.
 
And then...Horror!
He tells me that they watch you walk there and try to fit the shoe to your walk.
Now, you might say,
"What service!"
Until....
he tells me to roll up my jeans so that he can watch my feet
as I walk.
I sit on the wood bench,
slip off my $4 Goodwill find loafers,
bend in the middle,
after a
bacon cheese chicken sandwich and Parmesan french fries
and
large lemonade,
hoping that I don't fart,
huffing and puffing to reach my feet,
start to roll up my pant legs and simultaneously pull up my black socks
all the while calculating the last time
I shaved my legs.
 
Multitasking at it's finest.
 
And then I walk.
I know that he is thinking,
"When is this old lady going to start this walking program?"
and
"Does she have the permission from her doctor to exercise?"
but he kindly finds me three pairs of shoes to try.
 
None feel good. 
I have high arches.
My feet have a delicate curve to them.
Hey, it's the only delicate curve left on my body.
And it is causing me problems.
 
And honestly.
 
If you are going to pay $130 for a pair of shoes,
should you really have to fork out
another $50 for arch supports to make them wearable?
 
I think I am heading to
Payless
and
the
Dr. Scholl's counter at the drug store.
 
I think I can just fix up cheap shoes!
 
(Do they still make Dexatrim? Maybe I could just skip all this  nonsense.)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

9 comments:

Karen said...

OH MY GOSH...do you ever make me stop giggling...lol
You just have a way with words my dear friend - I'm here alone and find myself talking to myself while reading your post.

I am amazed at all the different types of shoes out there and seriously...do they work or is this propoganda to make one feel they are getting the RIGHT show for THEM.

Blessings,
karen

Holly said...

Girl you literally had me laughing out loud! You crack me up. I agree with you. I had a pair of brown loafers that were the most comfortable shoes ever. They came from a thrift store and I think they lasted me nearly 10 years! I just had to get rid of them. :( I am not one to pay tons of money for my shoes. I like to have too many pairs! :) Have a good day and thanks for making me smile.

Sheila said...

Once again you have us all chuckling.......(I can relate to most of this post too) Keds? do they even make them anymore? lol
Needed this laugh this morning with all that is going on.
hugs and smiles,
Sheila

Lois--Huckleberry Lady said...

As said by Karen...you have a way with words that had me rolling on the floor and nodding my head with everything you said!!!!
And my 20lb....I think I'm just going to live with it!!!! I heard though, that we gain weight because of a hormonal disbalance???? Where do I get my hormones back in balance???? Where they balance tires??? Just wondering!!??

annabel52 said...

Just found your blog. I think you are my lost twin. Except that you only have 20 to lose. (I have just a pound or two more;)
I vote for the no mall thing and just going to the thrift store.
Keep us laughing!!!

Ann said...

I just about fell out of my chair from laughing. Best laugh I've had all day and I can so relate to this too. I'll meet you at PayLess...lol

Never So Simple said...

THIS IS SO FUNNY. I ALSO HATE SHOPPING FOR ATHLETIC SHOES AS THERE NOW CALLED. SO I DON'T OWN A PAIR. THEY COST TO MUCH OR JUST DON'T FEEL GOOD ON MY FEET SO I JUST STICK TO MY SLIP ONS AND FLIP FLOPS. I'M HAPPY AND SO ARE MY FEET.

DONNA

Susannah said...

Oh my gosh.....what we have to go through to just get a plain old pair of comfy SNEAKERS!!!!!!! I am still laughing!!!!!You are a great writer. I love it...Please continue. We needed a real laugh this week.

Susannah

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

I laughed so hard reading this that I finally had to stop and read it aloud to my hubby. We loved the getting out of the chair for afternoon coffee part...it sounded very familiar! You are a RIOT!!!